Mash this.

My theory of mash-ups:

Mash-ups are those music pieces where people cut together two or more songs with a similar chord pattern and/or beat. They are way popular, and there are clubs (including the monthly Bootie LA) which feature them exclusively and draw big and diverse crowds. The times I've been have been quite fun, I won't lie to you about that, but mostly because of the diverse crowd and company rather than because of the music.

In short, the mash-up is, in my view, a radically overrated form of art.


Mash-ups come in three basic categories:

1. Two crap songs mashed together. (About 80%):

Mash-ups were born of dance culture, and since most music designed primarily to maintain rhythmic dancing behavior, especially across changes in (so-called) songs involves the construction of basically crap music in all other respects (in order that the beat can stay constant), most mash-ups involve the mixing together of two crap dance songs. Two craps does not, a musical extravaganza, make. It makes one giant crap. Note, the very raison d'etre of most dance music (see above) results in the bizarre fact that one can often barely tell the songs in this category are mash-ups at all, since they are indistinguishable from the crappy elements that went into their construction.


2. A song you really like mashed up with a crap song (About 18%):

You've been there I know. The first chords or opening riff of an awesome indie-power-pop-rock masterpiece inspire you from your 120 b.p.m. induced ennui. You carefully stow your plastic cup'o absolut-cran and head for the dance floor. By the time the riff has ended of course, and you are ready to rock out, the awesomeness of the catchy melodic and totally-dancable-in-its-own-right riff has been usurped by some or other crappy dance-gangsta-rap bullshit. Or worse, something by Michael Jackson.


3. Two songs you really like (About 2%).

These are tolerable, but still less good than each song individually (and way less good than each song serially). So at least, I submit. That is not to say that occasionally, one does not hear a really good one. And so, to prove that I'm open minded, I give you Snow Patrol vs The Police: